Thursday, December 22, 2011

Shouting from the rooftops!

It's 4 am. I've just had 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and I feel great, not tired at all. But it's 4 am and my husband and child are both asleep. Blog? sure!!

I went back and read through my blog posts from the beginning of our journey. I'm floored by God's providence and faithfulness. A dear friend commented to Jimmy on why God chose us for this testimony. I know God has chosen us for this and I know he must have con
fidence in us to give us such a task (sharing our story, giving God glory, making him more famous). As I read my blog, I notice a few things. First of all, I'm pretty optomistic. I shared the truth but usually a positive spin on the truth. Looking back now, as I watch my princess sleep, things were pretty bleak. They gave us all the facts but I think God blessed me with blinders that only allowed me to see the positive. So, thinking about our task and my optomism, here's the REAL story....

Our doctors told us at week 20 that our child probably would not make it. She would either die of a genetic abnormality or the lung mass would keep her from developing healthy lungs. They asked us if we would consider termination because she would either die in my belly or I would carry her full term and she would be stillborn. Jimmy and I looked at each other and knew pretty immediately that we were not okay with termination. Even if I would be at risk, we weren't o
kay with that. We began to pray.... not just pray... CRY. Crying out to God for him to heal her, give her life, bless our doctors, etc. We, family and dear friends, fasted and prayed for weeks, months, and God showed us favor throughout the process. I want to say... I NEVER doubted God's ability to heal our daughter. I wondered if it was his will for us.

At this point, I could re-hash her whole story. But i'm not going to. Read past blogs if you want the full version.

Jimmy and I took Ruthie to see her surgeon for a follow up appointment on Monday. She had an x-ray. Smiling ear to ear, he said she was totally fine. No residual mass, no air in her chest cavity, and no fluid in her lungs. God is AMAZING!! He has completely healed my precious daughter. Our doctor, who is Buddhist I think, says... I want you to know.... If you hadn't had the procedure in July, Ruthie would not be here. If you hadn't had fluid drained at 30 weeks, Ruthie w
ould not be here. If you hadn't come here to deliver, Ruthie would not be here. There is no other hospital that could have cared for her needs the way our team did. If you hadn't delivered via exit procedure, Ruthie would not be here.

We said.... God. God orchestrated all these events. I'm not sure what he has in store for our little gal... but it has already been glorifying. We continue to pray for all our doctors who have various religious beliefs. We know our GOD is in the healing business. I don't know where you are in your belief either. But whether or not you believe in the miraculous, you can not deny this healing. My daughter is well, breathing, and thriving. She was heading toward death and she is now living. You may say, God didn't zap the tumor away. HA!! I say that's exactly what he did. God working through two surgeons literally ZAPPED that tumor with a laser. God heard the cries of his people and showed favor, providing life and life abundantly. Miracles do happen. I'm watching one breathe right now.



Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Cont...

I must confess... I was writing the last blog and toward the end Ruthie started crying. So, it was cut short. I tried to tie it up but I realized later that I only talked about the rough part. I wanted to continue with this blog and share the good parts.

Ruthie sleeps! She pretty much sleeps between every feeding. I feed her, she's awake for about 20 minu
tes and then she passes out for hours. About 2-3 feeds a day she will stay awake longer. She sleeps so much that I worry that she sleeps too much. But I have to remember she's not a typical 2 month old baby. She is really only 1 month old because she was born a month early. AND has to work harder than the average kiddo to breathe. So, worry dissolves away.

Sometime while she sleeps I put her down in her bassinet, the pack-n-play, or on a mat on the couch (while I sit right next to her)... but sometimes I hold her. I love to hold her. She seems to like it too. I don't want to spoil her. So, I eventually put her down. But I remember a time when I couldn't hold her. She was just laying there with all those tubes, IVs, etc. I held her hand and prayed that she didn't think I had abandoned her. I was afraid she wouldn't want me to hold her once I could. Praise God! She likes to be held now. Don't get me wrong.. she has a limit on how long you can hold her. She doesn't really use her diaper unless she laying down and sometimes she just likes to be left alone.

Also, I kind of like being the one who can soothe her. If she is crying or fussy, everyone passes her to me and I can usually help. It just feels so good to love this little baby so much and then for her to return the love with snuggles and coos.... ahhhh! Now, when I can't do anything, that kind of hurts...i hate constipation/gas.

Learning more about how to care for her/being a mom, my first realization is being a mom is the opposite of selfishness. It requires the complete surrender of the first place status in your own life. Don't get me wrong... I still struggle with selfishness. AND I am in no way unhappy about this... it's just very different. I still get a shower but now i shower with a bassinet right outside the shower. I still go out on dates with the hubby, but it takes more planning and foresight. I can sometimes take her out with us. It's just easier to take her to Nana and Pa's.

Sidenote: Nana and Pa are the best babysitters in the world! They are lifesavers and I don't know what I would do without them!! I love you and please continue to spoil my child!


Back to anti-selfisness/being a mom, it's great and I am NOT complaining. Just sharing how I'm learning all this new stuff.

Update on Ruhie's health.... well.... she looks pretty good to me. She still struggles to eat sometimes. As poor Lori Vaughn witnessed last night, she gets choked and shuts down. She looses the color in her face and her lips do turn a shade of blue. She gets back into a breathing rhythm and then falls asleep. I think it scares me more than it hurts her. She seems fine. And she recovers very well. The next time she eats, it's as if it never happened.

And in case you haven't seen it... Here's a picture that our friends Zach and Sarah Henson took of Ruthie. They are so creative and talented at what they do. Thank you so much to them. Also, if you have a second, go to their website and check out how great they are and book them for a wedding, senior pictures, newborn, etc. They are the best and the sweetest! zachandsarahphotography.com

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Home and Adapting

I haven't blogged in quite a while... Lots of changes have come our way. As you probably already know, we are home. We are so glad to be here. Back in good ole Tennessee. Number one comment has been.. I bet you are so glad to be home!! Well..... Yes and No.... I am so happy to be close to family and friends. I'm glad to be in my house. I'm glad that Jimmy and my mom don't have to drive so far to see me and Ruthie. BUT... it is way easier to watch her oxygen levels while she's attached to a monitor. I KNOW she's fine but my only clue now is her lips turn blue and her face gets a little more gray than pink. I don't know about you but that freaks me out a little. Really, her oxygen has been fine. She's only changed color maybe twice and it was while she was eating... she was so hungry, eating so fast, she forgot to breathe.

The first week home was pretty tough. I was constantly checking to see if she was breathing. I couldn't sleep. I would ask Jimmy to check on her even when I was sitting right there. A totally irrational fear. I felt like calling the hospital NICU and asking... Seriously?? Seriously.... you trusted me to take her home. Then I would snap out of it and remember how protective our surgeon was and I know he would have NEVER let her go home if he had any doubts in her or me. I, also, had a wonderful friend talk me down one day. I think I may have freaked her out a little but I was at that point... the point where exhaustion meets hormones and I lost it on her. I felt so bad afterwards but that's what friends are for. I would have totally understood if it were her. It was really nice to have someone to talk to about it. After I was able to get over the fear, it's been pretty nice. I've been feeding her and burping her and changing her diapers...... so pretty normal newborn stuff. We went to get a check up at the pediatrician and she's 8 lbs 2 oz and gaining. We're headed back to Cincinnati for a check up on Dec 19th. She'll have a couple of x-rays and meet with the surgeon.

The pictures are two of her most common faces. She is very expressive and has lots of faces but these are the most common!

Shouting from the rooftops!

It's 4 am. I've just had 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and I feel great, not tired at all. But it's 4 am and my husband and child are both asleep. Blog? sure!!

I went back and read through my blog posts from the beginning of our journey. I'm floored by God's providence and faithfulness. A dear friend commented to Jimmy on why God chose us for this testimony. I know God has chosen us for this and I know he must have con
fidence in us to give us such a task (sharing our story, giving God glory, making him more famous). As I read my blog, I notice a few things. First of all, I'm pretty optomistic. I shared the truth but usually a positive spin on the truth. Looking back now, as I watch my princess sleep, things were pretty bleak. They gave us all the facts but I think God blessed me with blinders that only allowed me to see the positive. So, thinking about our task and my optomism, here's the REAL story....

Our doctors told us at week 20 that our child probably would not make it. She would either die of a genetic abnormality or the lung mass would keep her from developing healthy lungs. They asked us if we would consider termination because she would either die in my belly or I would carry her full term and she would be stillborn. Jimmy and I looked at each other and knew pretty immediately that we were not okay with termination. Even if I would be at risk, we weren't o
kay with that. We began to pray.... not just pray... CRY. Crying out to God for him to heal her, give her life, bless our doctors, etc. We, family and dear friends, fasted and prayed for weeks, months, and God showed us favor throughout the process. I want to say... I NEVER doubted God's ability to heal our daughter. I wondered if it was his will for us.

At this point, I could re-hash her whole story. But i'm not going to. Read past blogs if you want the full version.

Jimmy and I took Ruthie to see her surgeon for a follow up appointment on Monday. She had an x-ray. Smiling ear to ear, he said she was totally fine. No residual mass, no air in her chest cavity, and no fluid in her lungs. God is AMAZING!! He has completely healed my precious daughter. Our doctor, who is Buddhist I think, says... I want you to know.... If you hadn't had the procedure in July, Ruthie would not be here. If you hadn't had fluid drained at 30 weeks, Ruthie w
ould not be here. If you hadn't come here to deliver, Ruthie would not be here. There is no other hospital that could have cared for her needs the way our team did. If you hadn't delivered via exit procedure, Ruthie would not be here.

We said.... God. God orchestrated all these events. I'm not sure what he has in store for our little gal... but it has already been glorifying. We continue to pray for all our doctors who have various religious beliefs. We know our GOD is in the healing business. I don't know where you are in your belief either. But whether or not you believe in the miraculous, you can not deny this healing. My daughter is well, breathing, and thriving. She was heading toward death and she is now living. You may say, God didn't zap the tumor away. HA!! I say that's exactly what he did. God working through two surgeons literally ZAPPED that tumor with a laser. God heard the cries of his people and showed favor, providing life and life abundantly. Miracles do happen. I'm watching one breathe right now.



Cont...

I must confess... I was writing the last blog and toward the end Ruthie started crying. So, it was cut short. I tried to tie it up but I realized later that I only talked about the rough part. I wanted to continue with this blog and share the good parts.

Ruthie sleeps! She pretty much sleeps between every feeding. I feed her, she's awake for about 20 minu
tes and then she passes out for hours. About 2-3 feeds a day she will stay awake longer. She sleeps so much that I worry that she sleeps too much. But I have to remember she's not a typical 2 month old baby. She is really only 1 month old because she was born a month early. AND has to work harder than the average kiddo to breathe. So, worry dissolves away.

Sometime while she sleeps I put her down in her bassinet, the pack-n-play, or on a mat on the couch (while I sit right next to her)... but sometimes I hold her. I love to hold her. She seems to like it too. I don't want to spoil her. So, I eventually put her down. But I remember a time when I couldn't hold her. She was just laying there with all those tubes, IVs, etc. I held her hand and prayed that she didn't think I had abandoned her. I was afraid she wouldn't want me to hold her once I could. Praise God! She likes to be held now. Don't get me wrong.. she has a limit on how long you can hold her. She doesn't really use her diaper unless she laying down and sometimes she just likes to be left alone.

Also, I kind of like being the one who can soothe her. If she is crying or fussy, everyone passes her to me and I can usually help. It just feels so good to love this little baby so much and then for her to return the love with snuggles and coos.... ahhhh! Now, when I can't do anything, that kind of hurts...i hate constipation/gas.

Learning more about how to care for her/being a mom, my first realization is being a mom is the opposite of selfishness. It requires the complete surrender of the first place status in your own life. Don't get me wrong... I still struggle with selfishness. AND I am in no way unhappy about this... it's just very different. I still get a shower but now i shower with a bassinet right outside the shower. I still go out on dates with the hubby, but it takes more planning and foresight. I can sometimes take her out with us. It's just easier to take her to Nana and Pa's.

Sidenote: Nana and Pa are the best babysitters in the world! They are lifesavers and I don't know what I would do without them!! I love you and please continue to spoil my child!


Back to anti-selfisness/being a mom, it's great and I am NOT complaining. Just sharing how I'm learning all this new stuff.

Update on Ruhie's health.... well.... she looks pretty good to me. She still struggles to eat sometimes. As poor Lori Vaughn witnessed last night, she gets choked and shuts down. She looses the color in her face and her lips do turn a shade of blue. She gets back into a breathing rhythm and then falls asleep. I think it scares me more than it hurts her. She seems fine. And she recovers very well. The next time she eats, it's as if it never happened.

And in case you haven't seen it... Here's a picture that our friends Zach and Sarah Henson took of Ruthie. They are so creative and talented at what they do. Thank you so much to them. Also, if you have a second, go to their website and check out how great they are and book them for a wedding, senior pictures, newborn, etc. They are the best and the sweetest! zachandsarahphotography.com

Home and Adapting

I haven't blogged in quite a while... Lots of changes have come our way. As you probably already know, we are home. We are so glad to be here. Back in good ole Tennessee. Number one comment has been.. I bet you are so glad to be home!! Well..... Yes and No.... I am so happy to be close to family and friends. I'm glad to be in my house. I'm glad that Jimmy and my mom don't have to drive so far to see me and Ruthie. BUT... it is way easier to watch her oxygen levels while she's attached to a monitor. I KNOW she's fine but my only clue now is her lips turn blue and her face gets a little more gray than pink. I don't know about you but that freaks me out a little. Really, her oxygen has been fine. She's only changed color maybe twice and it was while she was eating... she was so hungry, eating so fast, she forgot to breathe.

The first week home was pretty tough. I was constantly checking to see if she was breathing. I couldn't sleep. I would ask Jimmy to check on her even when I was sitting right there. A totally irrational fear. I felt like calling the hospital NICU and asking... Seriously?? Seriously.... you trusted me to take her home. Then I would snap out of it and remember how protective our surgeon was and I know he would have NEVER let her go home if he had any doubts in her or me. I, also, had a wonderful friend talk me down one day. I think I may have freaked her out a little but I was at that point... the point where exhaustion meets hormones and I lost it on her. I felt so bad afterwards but that's what friends are for. I would have totally understood if it were her. It was really nice to have someone to talk to about it. After I was able to get over the fear, it's been pretty nice. I've been feeding her and burping her and changing her diapers...... so pretty normal newborn stuff. We went to get a check up at the pediatrician and she's 8 lbs 2 oz and gaining. We're headed back to Cincinnati for a check up on Dec 19th. She'll have a couple of x-rays and meet with the surgeon.

The pictures are two of her most common faces. She is very expressive and has lots of faces but these are the most common!